The Dating Game

When I say I do not need a mere man to be complete, I'm not being a feminist. I'm being honest...

Genesis 2:18-25 says:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

     “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Dating.
Courting.
Arranged marriages.
Friends setting friends up.
Long distance relationships.
Long time friends.
Girl-next-door.
Old.
Young.
Family friend.
Classmates.
Work friends.
Online dating sites.
Guy/girl you've never met but have had a "crush" on since the first time you saw them. (Think While You Were Sleeping kind of think here, folks.)

World, there is more than one way to skin a horse. Err... meet and marry your husband or wife.

Not only do people use different words to refer to the same thing, but they use the same word to refer to different things. See? It works both ways. 1+1=2, that's very true, but there is no formula for the perfect relationship, romantically or just as friends. People will always read into things, take things the wrong way, expect more, give less, and just make mistakes. Dating or courting, it's just a means to an end.

I looked up "date" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary and it's a fruit people. A FRUIT.
I also looked up court, and wow, it's a place where legal cases are heard. Big surprise.

But seriously folks... For the sake of this discussion, these were the fitting definitions.

Date, noun 4a: an appointment to meet at a specific time; especially: a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character.
Date, verb: to do an activity with someone you have might have a romantic relationship with : to go on a date or several dates with (someone)

Court, noun 5: conduct or attention intended to win favor or dispel hostility
Court, transitive verb 2a: to seek the affections of; especially: to seek to win a pledge of marriage from
Court, intransitive verb 1: to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage

Guys, from what I'm seeing, they have VERY similar meanings. Date seems to mean doing activities with someone that you find interesting and could be romantically involved with at some point. To court seems to mean seeking to win favor and or doing activities with someone that you could be romantically involved with at some point.

If I'm going to be totally honest, the biggest difference seems to be connotation. In my experience, I have tended to stay away from the word date because I see dating as people just hanging out with no serious intent or future vision. You know, people date because they like the company of someone of the opposite gender, but don't want to be "tied down" by a ring and some vows. Courting on the other hand is serious. Both parties go into this relationship with serious future goals and are set upon marriage as the purpose. But lets be real here folks; just because you don't have marriage as the end goal does not mean it is not going to happen, and just because you do have it as an end goal does not mean it IS going to happen.

I think I've made my point. Oddly enough though, that point is not the point I was planning on making in this post, so let's get going with the point I started off wanting to make...

Genesis 2:18 says "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make his a helper fit for him.'"
1 Corinthians 7:6-7 says "Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of the other."

These verses seem to say different things. From my understanding Paul is saying that some people are blessed with the ability of remaining single and serving the Lord through their singleness. He was an amazing man who served the Lord without being married, and God blessed him. If you are single you can serve God in your singleness, perhaps more than you will be able to serve Him as a married person.

Again in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 Paul states;

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

If I do not serve the Lord while single, who am I to think I will be better able to serve the Lord once I am married. Being married isn't going to change me in the way I might think. I'm still going to be a sinner saved by grace. It is going to sanctify me, of course, but it is not going to make serving easier, it is going to make it harder.

If I am not satisfied in the lot of being unmarried, why try to trick myself into thinking I will be satisfied once I get married? There will always be things to be dissatisfied about: more time with friends, more time with my husband, more time alone, a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood, having kids "too soon", not having kids soon enough. What more will I "need"?

I want to be satisfied in my Savior. I am convinced that if I am not satisfied in Christ, I will not be satisfied by a sinful man.

I am and purpose to be happy being single. If God has it in His plan for me to marry someone, that's wonderful. If God does not have it in His plan for me to marry someone soon or ever, that's wonderful too. I should not and will not rest my happiness on marriage, but rather I will rest my happiness upon serving the Lord in the big and little things. He is my Bridegroom and I am His bride.

One more thing. Speaking from the side of my heart that says, "You aren't ready to be married. You aren't ready to serve. You aren't ready for that job or that friendship or that adventure." To quote Lemony Snicket, "If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives." Step out on faith. Serve where you are, married or unmarried. Don't think you can wait for everything or anything to be perfect. You won't know when you get to that point and you might never make it there. Just do something.

So, when I say I do not need a mere man to be complete, I'm not being a feminist. I'm being honest, for I am complete in Christ.

"For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority." Colossians 2:9-10



P.S. I recently shared this article about "The 'D' Word" on my Facebook page. I started this post as a way to go deeper into what I thought about her post, but it morphed into what you have just read.